Catch Fire

Does the world fall apart as I sleep?
Does it fracture and tip from its axis,
-spilling oceans into sunsets,
-sinking trees into stars
Burning
They fizzle
A cascade of green passing the moon
A shake
And the birds too
Whisked into space

They are space birds now
Circling Saturn
Playing in the moons of Jupiter
Each one with a new name
A new call
Their feathers catching sunlight,


I noticed recently
That all light is heat
And they say we are light
So are we fire?
Are we flame?
Are we burning eternally

The physical life we dream
Foder our souls consume

The crackle of life
Each of us a sun
Dreaming we are human

Until all darkness is burnt up
And we are once again

Pure light
Just light
Whispering of the human hands
We once had
The brows we kissed
And the days we folded like paper
And kindled
With so much disdain




All-day-rain

This wide shadow of a morning I am
Trees clothed in rain
Streets dark, slick, redolent with
School mornings

But I am inside
Covered
Worried
Unrushed

Counting all my deaths
In anticipation

Something soon
And involved:
A long
Drawn
Out terror

Or else the gradual
Weakening,
Frail skin
Cut through so
Easily
Like paper
In the backyard
And a horror
That death is
Still impending;

I don’t imagine
A sudden waking to magnificence
I don’t imagine a slow
To a walk
That is strong
Still,
And tea in my kitchen
As I live my neighbourhood
Long haired
And knowing
So much more than I now do
With a confidence
That being human
Is more than my
Small. Sacred. Imaginings

I don’t see that

Because it’s never a look

Only a glimpse and look away
A fever dream that reflects off
The all-day-rain

I let it cloth my internal organs

As if I wish the grey clouds
Were saying:

It isn’t worth it to live
Today,
Or any day,

And I see this scream in my soul
Is not born of this rain
Or this Tuesday
But still she looks out
And believes
What she always feared
Is coming true

Some people find their addiction
A glass. A bottle. Some flesh.
Mine is
A feeling
I have kept, like a pet
I am keeping;

while it’s keeping me

I have no fight

I could add my voice to the fray
But I will add
my heart
to my
Life

I could add my fight to
The conflict
But I’ll add my peace
To the world

I could add my shout to the noise
My indignation
My righteousness
And my refusal

I could be a no
And I could be a force

But I have seen it

Is all

A grasp

And a gasp

So I am holding on to what
Is beautiful
And enjoying
Each inch of skin
Smiling
Each laugh
Breaking

I am a moment
Under this
Star only;
And this is the moment
I choose to be.
The one.
I am

Enough.

It’s pouring and I haven’t a roof
I haven’t a bowl
I haven’t a face
That closes to
The sky
In an opening
An invention
An image
That this rain
Is my tears

I haven’t those things

I am not standing in the
Street
Accepting
And becoming
Myself
While the
Sky opens up
Me to me

No I am not
I haven’t
And I won’t

I am a dresser drawer
Close to the carpet
And you can’t pull
It is stuck

And when finally you do
The bottom falls out
And the sides break

They were held together
Cheaply
By staples

that never dug in

deep

enough

14 years

I would like to say
I have never taken
A second
For granted
But I have taken whole
Minutes
Half minutes
Half an hour
Half a day
Half a year

I would like to say
I have always been
Seeing you
As you’ve been
But I have sometimes
Looked away
To see
What I wanted to

But listen
It has always been
My greatest joy- you
It will always be
My bestest love -you

I am always putting
Sentences together
Wrong
When I try to describe
This

(words aren’t worthy of us)

There are moments
In the kitchen
And under the late summer sun
There are looks
That speak 14 years
And laughs that gather
Every small
Kind
Thing
You’ve done

No. There is no one better
Than you
Not a single human
Made

HELLO GOD

Hello God. I’ve capitalized your Name
Seems appropriate when I’ve been told it is

All these other bipeds are always telling me
Who you are

As if they have crawled up into your gowns
Nestled their fingers in your nebulae
Pried apart the new forming stars & popped them into their mouths until a black hole formed
In their souls

I doubt it

But what have they seen that I have not seen?
And what have they touched that I have not touched?

I want to see through their eyes the magnificence of you
And know in their minds your absence. Your presence
Your spite 

What comical beings we are
Looking for god everywhere
When that is the place to find her

what we share

Each one is a miniscule universe not knowing
Her estrangement. Her connection
Her every thought a string of supernovas

All these atoms know each other and their
Every thought is trending

Fall into me you tiny thing. You quintessence
I want you to tell me:
Where were you last?
My mother?
My daughter?
My kitchen stove?

Tell me everything you learned when you were another:

“But all I learned is you
And you refuse to learn that at all”

Two Trees


I can only do the thing I am
To do another
Is too much

“You say I am weak,
A tree grown crooked
A broken thing

But look!
I am still blooming!”

But no, you still say:

“Be tall like me!
Straight and standing!
Look
I carry this whole treefort
All this wood
I hold
I shelter!

You simply bend
Trail your leaves in the water
Over the lake,
Look picturesque
And nothing else
You’re weak
And selfish!”

I look into the water
I try to straighten my leaves
My bows
My trunk

“But you are right
I am crooked
As a sapling there were strong winds
And harsh rains
And boulders
That pushed me here

I will never hold a treefort
I will never be a wind break
I can never produce
Strong and straight
Unknotted wood”

But there is shade by this lake here
And I still bloom in spring
And people can still sit by me
And wonder

At the beauty

of what will bend,
and even
-break
.

Conformist

I am getting tired
Of contorting myself
To fit
This world

If it isn’t one thing
It’s a new thing
Welcome to it
Now you have to
do it

Well,
I figured you out!

Capitalism?
Socialism?
Materialism?

Some ism

I figured you out:

You’re always wanting
MORE
I am never enough
Never doing enough
Objecting enough
Spending enough
Conforming enough

And hell
I never
Feel
Guilty
Enough
Unhappy enough
Or even happy enough

And I have
certainly
never
Been
Beautiful enough
Or appropriate enough

I figured you out!

And you can’t
Make
Me
Unfigure

So. I guess the only solution
Is to not care at all
To do what I want
To be HAPPY
Anyway

To disobey
To monopolize
-my own time
& my own brain

To throw you out
And laugh
In your face

Your threats don’t scare me anymore
I am not scared to live
-anymore

I am far more concerned
That I may die
Without ever having
Pleased
Myself,
even a little

So if you please:
“GO AWA–‘
Wait!

Who am I talking to?

No one. There is no one there.