Pixel Rectangular Window

Is it so wrong
To drink tea
And be in a kitchen
Look at shelves
See a stove
Wonder
At honey bees
Outside
The windows?

So wrong to know
Floor, as a thing?
To hear the refrigerator
Humming
Heart
Drumming with this
One
Moment

To not be
Captivated by social media
To not be
Aware
Of the news
To be blissfully soundlessly
Joyfully
Ignorent

Is it?

So wrong
For it not to matter
If the standard I
Deepen in my life
Knows another’s
All other’s ?

Is it?

To cry if I have tears
Or shop if I have time
To feel sun
As I walk outside

All the while
With no idea
What’s trending

It is as if I have taken
Scissors and sliced myself
Out of this decade
Pasted myself
To 2000 and 1
Drawn myself over
Inked in
That time

When I didn’t even
have internet
Because not everyone did/

And phones could only call
Not type words on
Not post words on
Objecting to the
Use of
while using it

I type and run away.
I don’t care the likes
Response
Fictious reality
I already have
My one reality

In my kitchen
With the sun patch
And the clouds
Outside
Moving accross
the
Window
pain

All-day-rain

This wide shadow of a morning I am
Trees clothed in rain
Streets dark, slick, redolent with
School mornings

But I am inside
Covered
Worried
Unrushed

Counting all my deaths
In anticipation

Something soon
And involved:
A long
Drawn
Out terror

Or else the gradual
Weakening,
Frail skin
Cut through so
Easily
Like paper
In the backyard
And a horror
That death is
Still impending;

I don’t imagine
A sudden waking to magnificence
I don’t imagine a slow
To a walk
That is strong
Still,
And tea in my kitchen
As I live my neighbourhood
Long haired
And knowing
So much more than I now do
With a confidence
That being human
Is more than my
Small. Sacred. Imaginings

I don’t see that

Because it’s never a look

Only a glimpse and look away
A fever dream that reflects off
The all-day-rain

I let it cloth my internal organs

As if I wish the grey clouds
Were saying:

It isn’t worth it to live
Today,
Or any day,

And I see this scream in my soul
Is not born of this rain
Or this Tuesday
But still she looks out
And believes
What she always feared
Is coming true

Some people find their addiction
A glass. A bottle. Some flesh.
Mine is
A feeling
I have kept, like a pet
I am keeping;

while it’s keeping me

I have no fight

I could add my voice to the fray
But I will add
my heart
to my
Life

I could add my fight to
The conflict
But I’ll add my peace
To the world

I could add my shout to the noise
My indignation
My righteousness
And my refusal

I could be a no
And I could be a force

But I have seen it

Is all

A grasp

And a gasp

So I am holding on to what
Is beautiful
And enjoying
Each inch of skin
Smiling
Each laugh
Breaking

I am a moment
Under this
Star only;
And this is the moment
I choose to be.
The one.
I am

14 years

I would like to say
I have never taken
A second
For granted
But I have taken whole
Minutes
Half minutes
Half an hour
Half a day
Half a year

I would like to say
I have always been
Seeing you
As you’ve been
But I have sometimes
Looked away
To see
What I wanted to

But listen
It has always been
My greatest joy- you
It will always be
My bestest love -you

I am always putting
Sentences together
Wrong
When I try to describe
This

(words aren’t worthy of us)

There are moments
In the kitchen
And under the late summer sun
There are looks
That speak 14 years
And laughs that gather
Every small
Kind
Thing
You’ve done

No. There is no one better
Than you
Not a single human
Made

HELLO GOD

Hello God. I’ve capitalized your Name
Seems appropriate when I’ve been told it is

All these other bipeds are always telling me
Who you are

As if they have crawled up into your gowns
Nestled their fingers in your nebulae
Pried apart the new forming stars & popped them into their mouths until a black hole formed
In their souls

I doubt it

But what have they seen that I have not seen?
And what have they touched that I have not touched?

I want to see through their eyes the magnificence of you
And know in their minds your absence. Your presence
Your spite 

What comical beings we are
Looking for god everywhere
When that is the place to find her

FREE SPACE

I’ve got nothing but questions
Nothing but doubt
No tier priced meaning
No answers
No coaching
No master class

I have no guarantees
No solutions
No prize

I’ve got nothing to give you
But space to be
Space to mourn
To question
To not understand

I have space for your meaninglessness
I have room for your doubt
I have a wide chasm
That we can
Dance
Around
Your grief in

I have freedom for your oppression
And tears for your pain
I have me for you

That’s all I have

Space

I am a place you’ve never been
And a heart you haven’t met
I haven’t even met me
I haven’t crawled deep enough
To find my end
Or if I have
She isn’t there

It isn’t a matter
It isn’t a whisper
It isn’t a dream

The farthest I can go
I find I’m not
And the further in I get
The more I find
This doesn’t matter

untitled 1

Life
Eternal
Mortality
Don’t mind me
I’ll have none of this
To exist
To not exist
To live and not live

This life. And afterlife. This forever
And this finite

I will have this
And none of this

I won’t have it
And must keep it

I resist my resistance
And resist my acceptance

I walk no line
Even this fine line
Listen
I have always been
Crying:
“I’m not playing!”
Stomping my feet
Going inside
And refusing

Because I hate the sharp and love it so
Want the pain
And it to go

Let me take it all and fold it up
Type upon a screen
Swallow all the gold spheres
And paint out every dream

If I can dance this sideways dance
And be the heart right here
The love that sees and still creates

Than I can live this life
This life I cannot live

Poem for a daughter

I am so glad you are my daughter
I say
I am so thankful for you
I love you more than the universe

“I know, I’m awesome” you reply

Awesome is such a fleeting word
So paper thin and insufficient
It speaks of excellence, triumph, and
Accomplishing

But I don’t love your for your excellence
Your awesomeness to me is a given
A small spark that does not even come close
To expressing the bonfire of your being

The way your smile draws your eyes into
Shinning moons
And the star of a freckle on your cheek
Contains your singularity,
My sweet child

I love you not because of your excellence
But because of your youness
It has nothing to do with being good
Because I love you no less when you’re bad

Your fierce fury
Your bright passion
You are art my dear, a masterpiece
Those scribbled papers your place your soul on
I see them
In my own heart
And in every single one,
I delight

Your small hands. Your stomping feet
Your hair which streams like a nebula
Full of the wild storm you are

No. No, you are not awesome
You are an ocean at night
The waves sweeping high
The sea all alight
The stars falling hard

You are a bridge to the unseen
And you create patterns in the sand
That show me

Something wild, something deep,
Something true

Awesome is disengenuine, my love
I would never call you that

Unless you mean awesome like a glaciar
A mountain in the sky

Then that you are my child

You are the universe speaking back to me
Words I have forgotten
So perhaps you have picked the best one

Awesome like eternity,
The night sky
And the stars, every one