I am | sorry to see

How do you stay alive?
Because you belong
It must be simple to be average
To be normal
To be human

The end of the world isn’t
Only the end of mine
There is only this end
That matters

And it’s nothing
It’s a plaything
It’s a lack of understanding
It’s flat field with a bridge

It is pretend

I saw the voice I am
Or think I am
Fade in a moment
Ask ‘what of me? When I’m not?’
And this faded out,
And it was not

I saw my end
And saw that I wasn’t that voice anyway
Am I even this one now?
Who counts the voices?

Why do I vouch for my continuing?
When I seek to slay me everyday?
Remake me every way
Until I am light light light
Until I am exhale and inhale
And sun
And stars
And presence?

Why ask to continue a personality
I know
Is a pretence?
Why beg to be born into eternity?
When I know
The I I am, isn’t me?

I look back at who I was ten years ago
I do not recognize her feeling
Or her thoughts
-I say

And you have heard others say
This exact same thing

So I wonder what makes a self?
Rather, what makes a self, wish to keep its
Own name?

We would wash our bodies different
Paint them entirely new
Our brains
Our memories even

/All that was painful

This I have seen:

A heaven of light

Where only good and truth and joy
And power and beauty was

And though I was it
It wasn’t me

I wasn’t

I am not

I never was

So why am I so sorry to see myself go?

Author: K L

Just having a human experience like everyone else.

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